The Fanclub of Yuuki Nagato
by Damien Kellis
Summary: Kyonko meets a representative of a cheesy shoujo plot device. Part of the genderbent AU of Haruki Suzumiya. Originally posted on the AnimeSuki forums in 2008, now posted here for archival.


I wouldn't have thought that I was really all that famous until one of them approached me.

"You," she said, looking at me like I was some kind of valuable but disgusting insect. "What are you to him?"

When people ask me about "him", they're usually talking about that idiot. "I'm not Suzumiya's keeper," I told her. "If you have a problem with him, go talk to him yourself, and good luck with that."

"Suzumiya? Who's that?"

You mean you're not talking about Haruki? More importantly, you've never heard of that name? I thought his antics would have been world-famous by now. In fact, considering the make-up of our club, his reputation can be said to be truly global, universal, and timeless.

"Oh, you mean that Suzumiya. Why would I bother to ask you about him?"

I could ask you the same question.

"I'm talking about that person, that person! The one you're always with every day in the Literature club room! You're always with him!"

Let's see, every day I attend SOS Brigade activities, if the pointless wasting of time by playing board games and surfing the Internet can be called that, in that room. That means that she's probably talking about one of the other SOS Brigade members. Not Haruki, which leaves either Asahina-sempai or Nagato. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at complicated riddles like this."

"It's Nagato-sama! Nagato Yuuki-sama!"

Even if you paid me money right now, I don't think I could have pretended to be surprised. Haruki has such a poisonous personality that I don't think any girl would dare get near him, but Asahina-sempai and Nagato were fair game. Asahina-sempai isn't supposed to get involved in any relationships at this time, and Nagato probably wouldn't understand the concept in the first place. Incidentally, what's with the "sama" suffix?

"Every day, you go into the Literature club room with him. Tell me now, what relationship do you have with Nagato-sama?"

It's not like I walk in with him hand-in-hand. He's usually just sitting there in the room by the time I arrive, reading a thick book, as a part of the background scenery. If he wasn't there, it would be like Hachiko disappeared from Shibuya Station. "We're just friends. It's nothing that serious, honestly."

"There has to be more to it than that," she said insistently. "You're always with him, and you even talk to him. How could you do such a thing?"

What's wrong with talking to Nagato? Apart from the way he sounds like he's just randomly picking words out of an encyclopedia, that is.

"None of us in the Nagato Yuuki fan club have been able to accomplish even that much. All we can do is observe him from afar. And then you... you're not even one of us!"

Nagato has a fan club? There's no way such a cheesy shoujo plot device can exist in real life. But the girl in front of me looked completely serious, so maybe there is such a thing. Is this your doing again, Haruki? Probably not, since I don't think Haruki really cares about Nagato's personal life. Besides, he'd probably have made a Suzumiya Haruki fan club for his own. "What does this fan club do?"

It turns out that it's an unofficial fan club, and there are only a few members in it. All of them swear never to reveal themselves to Nagato Yuuki, but are to observe him and report his activities to the others. Is this a fan club or a stalker gathering? "I was kind of sad when Nagato-sama stopped wearing glasses. He probably switched to contacts for some reason. Still, when Nagato-sama went up on stage during the school festival concert, I was so happy I thought I would die," the girl continued. "Aah, to think that Nagato-sama was so talented! There's nothing he cannot do perfectly!"

The scary thing is that you may be completely right. "Why are you asking me about Nagato anyway? Why don't you talk to the others, like Itsuko?"

"You mean Koizumi-san from 1-9? From what we've observed, Nagato-sama always keeps his conversations with her short and harmless. There's no reason to worry there."

This is so unfair.

"I'm warning you," the girl said, "don't do anything funny with Nagato-sama. I know there's no way I can tell you to stay away from him, and it could be that you really are innocent. But if you dare approach Nagato-sama any closer than you already have, there's no telling what consequences there may be." And with that threat, she walked away, with the air of one satisfied at a job well done.

* * *

Nagato was, as usual, reading in his corner of the hijacked Literature club room. The only other member of the SOS Brigade present was Itsuko, who gave me a polite nod and greeting while she tried to solve some chess problem from a book. Haruki had cleaning duties, and Asahina-sempai still hadn't arrived yet.

"Nagato," I said, "did you know that you're being watched by a group of girls? They say that they're your fan club or something."

Nagato continued reading his book without raising his head. "Seven of the female students of this school have been making notes of my movements, with the first observation on the twenty-third of April of this year. Thus far they have not witnessed or been party to any incidents triggered by Suzumiya Haruki, and so they have been deemed to be uninvolved bystanders."

"Don't you find it creepy that they've been watching you all this time?"

"Not really."

Looks like that's all.

"That is an interesting development," Itsuko said. "I take it that you have been approached by one of their number?"

"Yeah. They don't seem to be happy with my association with Nagato."

"From an objective point of view, you have indeed been fortunate enough to have seen more of Nagato-san's personal life than many others."

That's true. Not only have I gone to Nagato's apartment alone, I've even slept over there, for three whole years at that. I also helped him make that library card, and stayed in the same mansion with the rest of the SOS Brigade during the summer holiday trip. From an outsider's viewpoint, we're definitely more than simple friends.

Not to mention that easily-misunderstood scene that Taniguchi walked in on right after the incident involving the disappeared Asakura. I should probably thank her one of these days for uncharacteristically not spreading rumours about it all over the school, or that Nagato Yuuki fan club member would have gone straight for my throat.

"Hey, Nagato," I said. "Do you know why the fan club girls are watching you?"

"They believe that the sight of my physical presence is aesthetically pleasing," Nagato said in his usual robotic manner. "The probability of any further developments evolving from the current status quo is extremely low; as such, there is no need to take any further action in the immediate future."

"But what if someone does confess to you?" I wondered.

"That would be inconvenient."

"Are you not allowed to have any relationships too?"

"It will cause inefficiencies in my duties that will be difficult to resolve, but I have not been formally and explicitly interdicted from such."

"So if someone confesses to you, would you automatically turn her down? Or would you at least consider it?"

At this, Nagato turned his head to look at me. Did I say something wrong? I don't think I did, at least not anything that Nagato would take any offense to.

The door opened, and Asahina-sempai stepped in. "Um, hello," he said. "Did I, er, did I interrupt something?"

"Oh, no, it's fine," I reassured him. When I looked back, Nagato was reading his book again, as though nothing had happened.

Itsuko and I waited outside the club room while Asahina-sempai changed into his SOS Brigade uniform. "You should be careful as well," Itsuko said.

"Please, I'm not going to do anything to Nagato. Are you secretly a member of that fan club as well?"

"That would be an exciting plot twist, but in truth the SOS Brigade is enough for me. In any case, I am already observing Nagato-san, as well as Asahina-san, and quite obviously Suzumiya-san, but perhaps not in the manner the Nagato Yuuki fan club is accustomed to." She smiled. "Of course, we're not leaving you out of the observation as well."

No, please leave me out of it. It's scary and creepy. "So why should I be careful? Are the fan club stalkers going to attack me?"

"I would judge that to be very unlikely. However, the source of the problem may be rather closer than you think."

Like I said already, I'm not good with these sorts of complicated riddles.

"We shall see."


End file.
